This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
