We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
