ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
