i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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