Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
