well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
