I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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