So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
