If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
