it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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