It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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