Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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