She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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