I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
