You work out of a Hotel?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
