his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
