How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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