Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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