What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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