thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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