In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
