dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize