kristin has been a bad kristin
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
