I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
