Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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