You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
