my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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