I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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