i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
