I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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