I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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