so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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