i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You pole danced in your parka.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
