Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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