I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
