FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
