I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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