Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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