dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
