so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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