It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
