I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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