I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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