Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
