This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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