I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
