A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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