He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
