dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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