i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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