Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
