My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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