Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
