he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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