It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
