When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
