but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
