But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
