This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
