I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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