He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
