walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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