As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
