I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
