it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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