K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
