I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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