A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
