we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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