Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
